content, rationalizing, self integrity

1.

Why does being content or at peace almost immediately give way to a feeling of falling behind?

I have struggled to come up with a satisfying answer, that is and answer that gives me a tool to use to fix it. What I have landed on is that instead of fighting to keep the feeling of contentment just appreciate it for as long as it stays and accept that you cannot hold onto it. We are wired to not remain at peace and fighting to do so is futile. We are designed to focus on the negative, what we don't have, what won't work, why something is bad. This is known as the negativity bias.

The EV psych explanation for this is the same as the one for anxiety, it is more adaptive to focus on the possible negatives and upcoming challenges than it is to bask in your successes. Nobody survived longer and ultimately reproduced more because they patted themselves on the back, they survived and reproduced more because while the other guy was patting himself on the back, he saw and began planning for the upcoming famine the other guy missed. Our propensity for negativity is innate and to try and stop it would be like trying to stop our need to breathe.

What I found useful instead was to try and notice when we get a reprieve from the negativity bias ie. when we are at peace, and without an agenda just sit with that feeling for as long as it will stay. The second you begin to force it to stay longer it has already gone.

As wonderful as it would be to reach enlightenment and have constant contentment, that is not the reality for the vast majority of us. It seems that all we can do is try and be aware enough to notice when we do get that reprieve and be present with it for as long as we can.

2.

Do not rationalize with yourself when it comes to accomplishing your goal. You are not unbiased when it comes to creating a new habit for yourself, much like the laws of gravity a person at rest tends to stay at rest. When developing a new habit to accomplish your goal you are at rest, you are at the beginning of pushing the boulder. This is the time with the most resistance and the greatest feeling that the goal is impossible, once you get the ball rolling however it becomes easier and easier. As momentum builds the finish line seems closer and oftentimes too easy causing you to want to push farther.

We are great at negotiating ourselves out of being great through a seemingly rational progression of thoughts. This is the problem with having intelligence, we can use it to talk ourselves out of something just as easily if not more easily than we can talk ourselves into it. Combine that with negativity bias and talking ourselves into positive action is arguably harder.

You are smart which means you are smart enough to get yourself to stop.

3.

The most dramatic lifestyle changes I have made came after I was disgusted with myself for a lack of integrity. We all have a friend that is super flaky, forgetful, and just down right unreliable. We still like this friend but you would not trust them with anything important and in the back of your mind, the knowledge that their word does not carry much weight is floating around, conscious or not. When others lose integrity we begin to treat and think of them differently. when you are the one who has lost their integrity, you begin to treat yourself differently.

Not having the knowledge that what you say you will do will be done is devastating to both your internal mental state and your external actions. I use the word knowledge there very deliberately. It is not a belief, it is an absolute knowing. I am aware that this definition of knowledge is outdated and has faced many philosophical problems but it helps get this point across. A long standing definition of knowledge is “a justified true belief”. To truly have integrity in your word to yourself you need to have knowledge that you will do what you say. Justified by past actions and a track record of keeping your word, true as you can with 100% certainty say you are not lying to yourself and will back out later, and lastly a belief that is so strong it is almost like the task is already done.

Once you reach this level of integrity with yourself, where once you say to yourself that you will do something it is as if it is already done, that is when dramatic lifestyle changes occur and stick around. Like anything it is difficult to go from 0 to 100 so start small and stack evidence.

Find something small like I will do 10 push ups today and unless you break your arm you better get those 10 push ups done. Slowly this expands to all aspects of your life, for me this was with school work, training, diet, even social life which was something I had and still have to push myself to pursue. Once you stack enough pieces of evidence that you will do what you say you will, your entire outlook on life shifts.

I am usually anti woo woo but it shows you just how powerful your words are. Once you say them, even if its just in your own head, you can assume you will do it. This also causes you to be more careful with your words because you know that if you say it you are automatically locked in. Not only does this practice help you regain confidence in yourself but it makes you more intentional with your thoughts and ultimately actions.

Don't be that flaky friend to yourself.

Cool Guy From History:

Diamond Jim Brady was from NYC who worked his way up from the bottom to become a very successful businessman in the railroad industry in the late 1890s and early 1900s. He was known for flaunting his wealth and throwing extravagant parties. He got this nickname Diamond from his jewel collection worth roughly $75.6 million in today's money. Not only did he go overboard with spending, he went overboard on eating as well. The owner of one of his favorite restaurants called him “the best 25 customers I've ever had”. This is the list of an average meal from his Wikipedia:

“"vast quantities of hominy, eggs, cornbread, muffins, flapjacks, chops, fried potatoes, beefsteak, washing it all down with a gallon of fresh orange juice". A mid-morning snack would consist of "two or three dozen clams or Lynnhaven oysters". Luncheon would consist of "shellfish...two or three deviled crabs, a brace of boiled lobsters, a joint of beef, and an enormous salad". He would also include a dessert of "several pieces of homemade pie" and more orange juice. Brady would take afternoon tea, which consisted of "another platter of seafood, accompanied by two or three bottles of lemon soda". Dinner was the main meal of the day, taken at Rector's Restaurant. It usually comprised "two or three dozens oysters, six crabs, and two bowls of green turtle soup. Then in sumptuous procession came six or seven lobsters, two canvasback ducks, a double portion of terrapin, sirloin steak, vegetables, and for dessert a platter of French pastries."”

On top of all of that he would occasionally add 2 lbs of chocolate if he was still peckish. To add to his list of extravagance he was the first person in the city to own an automobile, held a stable of thoroughbred race horses, and was married to actress and singer Lillian Russel. It came to nobody's surprise that he died of a heart attack, what was even less surprising though was after the autopsy, they found that his stomach had stretched to 6x that of the average man. I guess back then all you could splurge on was food and jewels and Jim Brady did both to the max.